The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize