Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
