I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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