he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
