Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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