I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
