Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
