I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
