Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
