I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
