I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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