the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
