I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
