finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
