Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my being single is dangerous.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
