I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
