OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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