I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
