I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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