You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
