I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
