I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
