areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
