Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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