It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
