just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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