Pappa wants mamma naked
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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