i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
