Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
