I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
