apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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