So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
