She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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