Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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