as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
