get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
