I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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