and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
