Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
