Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
