"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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