are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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