he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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