Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
