you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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