They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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