I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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