Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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