We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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