Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
