Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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