Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
