Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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